Remembering My Mom 10 Years Later

  What I miss was the first thing that came to mind when I thought about writing a remembrance on the 10th anniversary of my Mom's passing.  But the list would be too long.  Still there's her home cooking (especially the German dishes),  those homemade German Christmas cookies, her laughter and just always being there when her family needed someone.  But thinking about it further I realized that these were all the things I missed about her.  What did my Mom want throughout the last years of her life?  And did I do enough for her?  Could I have been a better son? 

  Magdalena Lane was born on October 18th, 1929, in Munich, Germany.  She spent her teen years with the backdrop of World War II allied planes bombing Munich.  Her family took shelter when sirens warned of incoming planes. In 1958 she met my Dad, Thomas R. Lane.  He was in Munich on assignment as a member of the Army.  They were married on July 30, 1958.  It was a marriage that would last 49 years. Their retirement years were spent making numerous trips to Germany. My Mom was a proud Munchen lady. 

  But the good retirement life took a turn in 2007 when my Dad was diagnosed with esophagus cancer.  Which would eventually take his life in February 2008.  While my Mom had friends living close to her that she visited almost daily, those happened in daytime.  I believe the nights were the hardest thing for her to get through.  For decades she spent quiet evenings in the living room with my Dad.  Reading, watching TV.  Suddenly, that was gone.  Though we made it a weekly (sometimes bi-weekly) thing to have lunch together, she often appeared to be lonely. 

  A year before she died my Mom told me that she would sometimes drive to the beach by herself and just sit in the car parking lot, facing the beach, watching the world. I didn't think much of this at the time.  But I should have.  I realize now she was telling me how empty her life had become. We often take companionship for granted.  What happens when you have such a special bond with someone that nothing else is a substitute for that connection? My parents were inseparable.

  In the last years of her life the cruelty of cancer took its toll. She died on March 14th, 2014 at the age of 84. At her grave I always make sure to say I love her and I'm sorry if I ever let her down.  She is with my Dad at a Veterans cemetery. On the day she was laid to rest those solitary nights were gone forever.